不登校の原因？子どもを追いこんでるのは親！？結果重視の親たち。
昨年の調査では不登校の小学生は2万4175人、中学生は9万5181人。
中学生の不登校者の数は39人に1人の割合です。思春期の子を持つ親にとって、いじめなどと同様に避けたい問題の一つだと言えます。
“不登校”という現実を前にして、どのように対応していけばいいのでしょうか。
不登校の原因・責任感が強い性格
・「友人や教師との関係」
・「勉強や部活についていけない」
などがあげられ責任感が強い性格の子が理想を持っていて、それが上手くいかない自分をさらけ出すことを嫌うといった傾向があるようです。
理由はさまざまですが、共通する傾向に「自信喪失」があります。
「自信喪失」＝エネルギー切れを起こさせないようにするため、日常の親の態度が与えている影響に目を向ける必要があります。無意識でも、ある言葉や行動の積み重ねが、子どもを追い込んでしまうこともあるのです。
結果ではなく努力の過程を認める
一般的に「子どもは誉めて育てる」と言われますが、結果にばかり注目しがちです。よくできた時に誉めるのは、もちろんいいことです。しかし、結果のみに執着し、うまくいかなかった時に責める、残念な顔をしてしまう……。そんなことが繰り返されてはいませんか。そうした言葉や態度を続ければ、子どもは必死に言い訳を考えるようになります。心の中では、「期待通りにできない自分」に対し、罪悪感や自己嫌悪感を徐々に募らせていきます。
一方、努力しているプロセスを観察、評価することで、「頑張って乗り越えようとすることはOKなんだ」とインプットされます。結果、やり遂げようとする力が備わり、少々のことではへこたれなくなります。
また、親が控えるべき態度に「兄弟姉妹やよその子と比べる」ということがあります。誰かと比べることは、子どもにとって気分のいいものではない上に、母親自身もイライラし、子育てに自信をなくし、行き詰まりを感じる原因にもなります。特に思春期の子どもは、他者との違いを強く意識し始め「他人にどう見られているのか」が気になる年頃です。この時期に誰かと比べて否定されると、劣等感を抱きやすくなります。「どうせ自分なんて」という自己否定の気持ちは、行動する意欲を低下させてしまいます。感情を解放することが苦手な子どもは、自分がなぜ学校に行きたくないのかがわからないという場合も少なくありません。
子どもに責任感を持たせる
思春期の子どもは、自分なりの価値観や判断基準を持とうとします。自立しようとしている子どもに対し、親はどのように対処していけばよいのか。まず、しっかりと話を聴いてあげて下さい。「親」というと、どうしても何かを教えるという気持ちが強くなってしまいます。しかし、頭ごなしに言うと、子どもは黙るばかりで、親の思い通りにはなりません。
もし、子どもの考えや行動に疑問を持ったら「あなたはそれでいいの？」と質問形式にし、子ども自身に考えさせたり、時には一緒に考えたりして、責任を持たせるようにしていきましょう。それにはまず、親の方から立ち位置を変え、視野を広げることが大切です。
まとめ
失敗は成功につながる
失敗は勉強であり、発見である。ということを親が認識すること。
成功の反対は失敗ではなく「何もしないこと」
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